Clarkson has a point...

So across the UK, teachers (and other professions) went on strike on Wednesday over pensions and pay. Is this not a little immature? England is just a complaining kind of place. I love a bit of pessimism as much as the next man, but when unemployment figures are at an all time high, feel happy that you have a job, especially when it pays into a pension plan for you! If you are not happy with the rate of pay into your pension plan, pay more into it personally.

'I don't get what I want, so I'm going to throw the toys out of the pram'.

Is that really the way for teachers to gain respect? In lots of areas where teachers are considered the 'enemy' and that they don't do enough for the children in the class, do you really want to give them more ammunition?

Personally I love teaching, I love working with kids and the pay is just a nice biproduct of the job. I want to teach because I care, not because I want to be rich or even just be well payed, but because I love it! If I wanted to earn a huge wage and have a lavish pension I would look for a job where I could achieve that. I'm not saying teachers are not aspirational, but if your aspirations are wealth related, is teaching really the job for you?

In the future I'm quite sure I'll never strike. I'm employed by a school to teach, and that is what I will do. Clarkson has a point, it's my personal opinion (and I know money is important in this world), but these strikers need to get their priorities sorted.

The Aldi/Lidl Fiasco

I think you know me well enough by now to expect me to complain about almost anything. Today is no exception.

First of all if you are thinking ‘why are you talking about Aldi and Lidl instead of keeping to your pre-prepared list’, well I have gone ‘off piste’ so to speak because I hate lists more than I hate anything on my list. If you now are thinking why did I not include ‘lists’ on my list of hate, that is because it would make a paradox and could end life as we know it. Thinking about it this may be a blessing, considering the topic of hate-versation (conversation of hate) today.

Context: After work today I foolishly decided to go to stop off for a quick shop at Aldi, since I only held shrapnel in my pocket, knowing that the co-op was now well out of my price range, but also knowing I needed a meal before watching the mighty Ipswich Town later on tonight.

Has anybody else noticed that it looks like the warehouse you’d find behind most other supermarkets? Oh and that term ‘super market’, since Aldi is crap (more crap than a regular market) I urge you to refer to it as a crapper market. Anyway, everything in this place is piled high and looks like the dragons den graveyard, where all the unsuccessful and cheaply made products fell by the wayside as Kellogs, Walkers and Cadburys burst through into the mainstream. I saw Dixons cream crackers? Did Jacobs remarry? Or has some wanker called Dixon just ruined a decent long running business by selling a cheaper and entirely less enjoyable substitute? Not only is this place the graveyard of products that never ‘made it’, but also it is the place where the old ranges of big brand products lay to rest, like a bag of assorted Jif scouring pads. Poor old Jif. The new bastard Cif comes along because people from Eastern Europe can’t say Jif. I’m sorry, but there are bigger problems than a dirty kitchen if you can’t even say Jif! Now I completely understand that some people can’t afford the top brands of things from actual supermarkets, but why not just buy Sainsbury’s basics? A good size shower gel for 15p is far greater value than 60p for McThompsonberrytonwilliamsalexanderson and sons lemon scented body wash.

It’s not just the goods (or bads) on sale that bothers me, but just the feeling of the place. The bloke in front of me in was buying a gallon of whiskey! That’s right, a gallon! Roughly four litres! Either he’s planning a big post-lent piss up, or an expensive suicide attempt! He was just one member of the shopping community today. Another was a woman who was still wearing her pyjamas. I went in at roughly half past 5. Firstly why was she in her pyjamas at that time, secondly why does she even own pyjamas reading ‘tease me’ across the front (seeing as she was mid 50’s, with knotted hair, crooked and black teeth and a badly running nose) and most importantly why was she shopping in her fucking pyjamas anyway! I can only think that she doesn’t own a washing machine and needs to buy new clothes every day and pyjamas are cheaper than regular clothes.

Aside from all these factors, the staff look like extras from Shaun Of The Dead and go about their working lives with similar vigour. When at the counter I had noticed that I had bought more than I had anticipated, therefore needing three bags instead of the one I had brought with me. So I bought a couple of bags and proceeded with caution. The drone behind the counter scanned my food through so quickly that it gave me no time to pack everything into the bags, so taking my time I packed everything in and was met with disapproving glares from Mr Whiskey and Little Miss Pyjamas.

I realise I haven’t touched on Lidl in this wonderful written evaluation, but as far as I’m aware the same applies.

Thanks for reading.

Lemons

Now I realise that it has been quite a long time since I last posted a rant, but I’m going to be honest, I don’t care. And since nobody actually plans their life around reading this crap, I’m going to assume that I won’t receive too many complaints.

I would also like to say that it doesn’t concern me that the article containing the details of my hatred of Owen Johnston hasn’t been written. It turns out that I don’t hate him, though he does wind me up more than almost any person alive.

So with the ice well and truly broken, melted and soaked into the metaphorical carpet of our writer/reader relationship, I feel ready to crack on with Lemons.

First of all, some interesting facts about lemons:

1.      Lemons are yellow
2.      Lemons are a type of fruit
3.      Lemons are a yellow fruit
4.      Lemons make me ill
5.      I don’t like lemons

As points 4 and 5 explain, lemons don’t agree with me. I must have been maybe nine or ten years of age, I walked down the stairs to find a sponge cake in the kitchen. In the infantile manner that I still to this day live my life, I ate a whole square of the cake in one mouthful.  A few minutes pass and I deposit a sizable amount of my bodily fluid from the top bunk of my bed (sick, not wee or runny poo). Interestingly I have never owned a bunk bed, so maybe my memory of the event has been tampered with. But details aside, it was not a plain sponge cake, but then I think you had probably come to that conclusion already.

That is pretty much my reason for not liking lemon.

With this in mind it is fairly disappointing that lemon flavoured stuff is everywhere. Wine gums, Jelly Babies, Starburst, those little disposable hand towel things you get in packets, air fresheners and more. 

Jamie Oliver.

Bastard.

Has anyone seen ‘Jamie’s 30 minute meals’? This program bothers me. Aside from the fact that the meals only take 30 minutes because he is an experienced chef, who possesses impeccable knife skills, has a blender/cheese grater machine that cuts stuff really quickly (which will almost certainly cost a bomb) and he has all the ingredients prepared and ready in front of him.  Jamie ‘fuck face’ Oliver puts lemon in everything! Every salad dressing is lemon and olive oil, every pasta has lemon juice and zest in (but why both?) and every pudding has lemon in. 

This was fun.